TGIF (&TMRIRAI!) (THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY AND THE MRI RESULTS ARE IN!)

It's been a really difficult week for me. The CT scans last week showed 5 shadows on my liver. That revelation really wiped me out. I've spent hours and hours researching Waldenstrom's macroglobulinemia. I know it is an incurable disease that will be with me for the rest of my life. But my study has led me to the knowledge that WM is a very slow moving cancer that is treatable. Many people live long lives with Waldenstrom's and I believe that I am in the very early stages. I was just beginning to come to terms with living with a chronic, life threatening disease. But then Dr. Borra broke the news about the unidentified spots on my liver. I KNOW about liver cancer - that's all I will say about that. If liver cancer and WM were combined, well, I just can't even go there. This week was spent investigating the liver spots. I have called upon all the faith and courage that I have, but I just wasn't too successful at bravery this week. Every moment of every day, anxiety and fatigue seemed to suffocate me.  I asked for strength, but I had given doubt and fear a foothold and they were taking over. Blood testing on Monday (my FAVORITE!) and then a new experience on Tuesday. I had my first encounter with a massive, confining, deafening machine called MRI. Nothing about the MRI testing was physically painful. But being inside this magnetic monster really damaged my spirit. Before I entered it's cold, metal belly, the sweet MRI tech placed the "panic button" in my hand - just in case. Although I am a confirmed claustrophobic, I resolved not to touch that button. No way! We must know what is on my liver! How did I pass the time during the procedure? Singing songs in my head, of course. #1 on my mental playlist: "Whom Shall I Fear (Angel Armies.)" In my mind, I pictured the powerful God of the Universe right in front of me, beside me, and behind me. I KNEW He had my back! Then the machine started making its noises. It was like a horror film, but in the midst of the shaking, rattling and roaring, I heard a rhythmic high pitched squeak. To me, it sounded like the chirping of birds. Kathy's mental playlist selection #2: "His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me. I SING BECAUSE I'M HAPPY! I SING BECAUSE I'M FREE! For His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me." Truthfully, I wasn't really happy at that particular moment. I certainly wasn't free - I was trapped in a giant magnet! But I remembered the promise that if God provides for  the tiniest sparrow, of course He cares for me." Then came the voice of the MRI tech. "Breathe......... hold......................... breathe." (Long breath holding, I might add. My vocal training came in very handy!) God sent me song #3: "This is the air I breathe, Your Holy Presence living in me." After about a half hour inside the magnetic prison, I was released. Song #4: "Hallelujah Chorus" from the great work, Handel's Messiah. That was done, now for waiting. Seventy-two hours...... waiting.....more waiting........wondering...........imagining........Friday afternoon the phone rings. "Mrs. Lollar, we have the results of your MRI. The spots on your liver are visible, just as the CT showed, but they do not appear to be malignant!" Thanks be to almighty God! Another phone call from M.D. Anderson Cancer Center:  "Dr. Lewis can see you at noon on Tuesday." Ok! Time for a trip to Houston. Thank you God, for a very Good Friday! Let's get this show on the road!