I must say that my 57th year has been the most painful and difficult of my entire life. On March 7, I completed six months of chemotherapy; but my celebration was delayed by a fall on March 8 that left me with a titanium rod to strengthen my broken hip. Hours of physical therapy have improved my weakened muscles, but complete strength is still down the road a bit. It has been a long, hard journey to this point, but guess what? This birthday weekend has been the best of my life! I have never been more grateful to walk, more happy to bend down and plant flowers, more aware of my increased energy level, and more amazed to have improved blood flowing through my veins than today. The reality of my own mortality has changed me. A time of helplessness and dependence has made me a different person. Things that used to be important to me, are no longer of value. Other things that I hardly noticed before, have now become priorities.
You have probably heard the saying, "what does not kill you will make you stronger." I wish that were not a true statement, but I testify that it is. If I had my way, God would just give me all the understanding and insight that I would ever need. He would just wave his omipotent hand, and I would be fully mature and provided with all knowlege. But, I guess that's why HE is God and I am not! That's just now how growing in his glory works.
Don't get me wrong, I wish that I never had to face another moment of suffering in my life. But of course, I am not naive. Cancer will continue. Financial difficulties will continue. Family concerns will continue. Violence and evil in the world will continue and will have an effect on my life. But, I know this for sure: through suffering, I will change; I will grow; I will grow nearer to God. I will have complete assurance that the God who created me will never leave me or forsake me. I will look back on future trials and find that God has worked them out for my good.
Steve and I have a short reprieve and then we face another surgery. This time, I will be the caregiver. Foot surgery will require four weeks in a cast followed by two weeks in a boot for a man who has rarely been sick a day in his life (gratefully.) So, we are getting ready for the next part of the journey. We don't want to do it, but we know that it is necessary. I pray that Steve will experience some of the same touches of the Holy Spirit and the strength of Jesus Christ during his recovery as I have during mine.
Our next goal is Steve's birthday. On his birthday, he should be out of the cast and into a walking boot. That will be a good day. We are also looking forward to October 25, when we will walk with TeamLollar in Austin, Texas at the Light The Night Walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We will walk for research and help for blood cancer patients. But we will also just be grateful that we can walk! If you'd like to walk with TeamLollar or help us reach our fundraising goal, you can reach our team page by using this link:
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trials you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."
1 Peter 4: 12-13
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know thate the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1: 2-4
"A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God."
Max Lucado
"The dominant characteristic of an authentic spiritual life is the gratitude that flows from trust - not only for all the gifts that I receive from God, but gratitude for all the suffering. Because in that purifying experience, suffering has often been the shortest path to intimacy with God."
Brennan Manning
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