2013 was a difficult year for the Lollar family. We welcomed 2014 with the hopes of a better year. We are still waiting for that to happen, but we believe that better days are just around the corner.
On Friday, March 7, I completed my six month chemotherapy regimen. But the long anticipated reprieve did not happen. On Saturday, March 8, I fell and broke my hip. WHO DOES THAT? Over and over in my mind, I have questioned this. No way! How could this possibly be right? I still don't have the answer to that one, but I have made a few observations and have gleaned some snippets of wisdom along the way. I will share a few thoughts with you.
- CLOSE THE DISHWASHER DOOR! (It just might be a warning from the Holy Spirit.) Have you ever just had a hunch? In your gut? And you didn't know why? I can remember several times that this has happened to me throughout my lifetime. There was the time, over 25 years ago, that I walked up to my home to find the door knocked in. As I angrily stepped toward the threshold to view the damage from an apparent burglary, my feet stopped as if I had walked into a concrete wall. I turned and ran, got into my car, and went to a friend's house. When we returned with the police, my microwave was sitting on the ground just inches from where I had stood. I have carried that moment with me for most of my adult life, wondering what could have caused that feeling to come over me. Now I know............ it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit, one of the ways that God communicates with His children. I am so glad that I heeded the warning then, but why didn't I learn my lesson? I don't know how many times, I have left that dishwasher door open. I don't know how many times I have thought to myself, "That is really dangerous. Someone could trip and hurt themselves." I had warning after warning, feeling after feeling, and I DID NOT HEED THE WARNING. It was nobody's fault but my own. I have learned a really hard lesson. I pray that I have learned it well and that I will be aware of future promptings of the Spirit within me.
"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name,
He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you."
John 14: 26
"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
'This is the way, walk in it,'
whenever you turn to the right hand
or whenever you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30: 21
- DON'T GO INTO DEEP WATER WITHOUT A BUDDY. I cannot imagine what I would have done if I had been alone that Saturday morning. My sweet Stevie heard my blood curdling screams and came to my rescue. Then came my family. Then, the doctors and nurses and surgeons and physical therapists and x-ray technicians and lab technicians, and so on and so on. Then came the friends. One after another. Bringing flowers, food, cards, words of encouragement, words of healing and strength. Prayer warriors lifting me up in prayer. I felt the power and comfort. Phone calls and text messages from little piano students checking on "Ms. Kathy." I am a giver, a doer, an organizer, a fixer. Being in need was a new experience for me. Fortunately, I had gone through 56 years of life without learning about complete helplessness. I now know that when you are in need, you need an army of supporters. I don't believe that God ever intended for us to go through life alone. It's just too hard! We need each other. I am especially humbled by the complete selflessness that my husband has demonstrated during this month. He has been my rock of strength through the most trying time of my life. He tells me that if the table was turned, I would do the same for him. Well, of course I would, but I hope I never have to. HUMILITY. PATIENCE. TRUST. I now understand these concepts in a deeper way.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6: 2
"So whatever you wish that others would do to you,
do also to them,
for this is the Law and the Prophets."
Matthew 7:12
- "THEY ARE WEAK, BUT HE IS STRONG." You know the song..... "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Even the youngest of us knows it. But do we REALLY believe it? I am believing these words more and more each day. Perhaps that is the lesson God wants me to learn through this experience. Here is what I know for sure. I experienced a terrifying fall. I lay on the floor in shock and in pain. The first sounds I uttered were a call for help from Steve. The next words I spoke were, "I trust you, Lord. I trust you. Help me." In the emergency room, surgery, recovery, the Holy Spirit brought me constant companionship and comfort. The day after surgery, a physical therapist expected me to walk! Really? Walk? I was so frightened. I prayed, "Give me the strength of Jesus." I was able to take two steps. The next day, the same prayer. I walked out the hospital room door and a few steps into the hallway. Day after day. Prayer after prayer. Step after step. I have been blessed with strength and healing - not just for my body, but for my spirit. I am convinced of the truth of these words from scripture:
"Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the Lord your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you."
"Deuteronomy 31: 6
""When the righteous cry for help,
the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles."
Psalm 34: 17
Now, I put away the combat boots and trade them in for a nice pair of Nike's. The next four to six weeks will be full of physical therapy. I am learning to appreciate exercise. Perhaps even sweat! The boxing gloves have to stay nearby, because cancer is still a reality for me. Now that chemotherapy has ended, the next few months will be spent tracking numbers in the blood tests and even a scary bone marrow biopsy. My prayer is that my condition will respond so well to the recent treatment that the malignancy remains in check for a long, long time. I look forward to better days ahead, and I have the trust that my God will hold me with his righteous right hand through the good and the bad.
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41: 10
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16: 33
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