"Never Once" - Matt Redman
"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us"
Today is the first day of a new year - 2014. As I look back, it seems that I spent most of the past twelve months standing at the bottom of mountain peaks looking straight up. My mountains included family matters, business matters, financial matters, and health matters. At the beginning of 2013, Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia was a disease that I had never even heard of. A few days into the year, I learned that it would be my uninvited companion for the rest of my life.
Nearly three years ago, Steve and I followed the Lord's leading and opened West Texas Music Academy. We knew that this venture would be a labor of love and that monetary gain would be doubtful. Keeping operations funded required all of the financial means that we possessed. By fall of 2013, it was clear that we could no longer keep WTMA open with our own resources. Without a miracle, we would close the Academy along with our dream at the end of the year. But we trusted in God to provide what we needed to fulfil our mission to provide music education to West Texas children and offer employment opportunities for local music teachers. If the school was to remain open, God would make a way.
As with any family, mountains involving our loved ones were many. The most pressing problem we faced in 2013 was to find a way to care for Steve's elderly mother. Our hearts were burdened and our financial resources were limited. The need seemed to increase as each day passed.
"Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us"
This year, I read a series of books by Squire Rushnell about "GodWink moments." Rushnell describes a GodWink as the way God speaks directly to you through the power of coincidence. I can't even begin to tell you about the GodWinks that have come to my rescue this year. Coincidences that guided Steve and me in securing quality care for his mother; GodWinks that provided for us financially with just enough just in time; and the serendipitous events that both furnished a home for our music school
and gave life to an empty building that a local church had set aside for community outreach. Coincidences? Some would say yes. Me? I say that it was God's hand guiding and providing.
and gave life to an empty building that a local church had set aside for community outreach. Coincidences? Some would say yes. Me? I say that it was God's hand guiding and providing.
"Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say"
For the past week, the Matt Redman song "Never Once" has played and replayed in my mind. Several times, the lyrics came flowing through my voice completely unplanned. Last week as I walked into the doors of the cancer center for my infusion, I caught myself humming the melody. As the nurse struggled to find a vein for my IV, I began singing it aloud. When my body turned firey red with an adverse reaction to the chemo drug, the words played continually in my soul.
"NEVER ONCE DID WE EVER WALK ALONE,
NEVER ONCE DID YOU LEAVE US ON OUR OWN.
YOU ARE FAITHFUL, GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL."
Today, the health mountain is staring me right in the face. Just when I think it is under control, I seem to lose my footing and start the climb all over again. Tomorrow morning, Steve and I will report to the cancer center for my Rituxan infusion and Velcade injection. My doctor has given us a new battle plan which we expect will make it easier for my body to accept the drugs. I am quite nervous about the next round considering the nightmare of last week's infusion. My nurse assures me that Rituxan doesn't "hate" me, but we just "disagree." Well, I hope with AGREE tomorrow! Let's agree to kill some cancer, but have mercy on me!
I don't know why my body has been stricken by an incurable blood cancer. I don't even want to start on "why me?" ..... "life's not fair,"....."if you only have enough faith, your cancer would disappear"....."God has chosen you to be an example to others." I can tell you that sometimes I cry, sometimes I scream, sometimes I whine, sometimes I get angry with God, sometimes things get ugly. I can tell you that just when I have the faith to take the next step up this cancer mountain, Satan sneaks up on me with an anxiety attack, or a bad case of hives. But I can also tell you this: Because of the mountains, I am not the same woman I was 365 days ago. Today, I have faith to know that no matter where life takes me, my God is already there. Today, I know beyond a doubt that whatever happens to me, my Savior will work all things for my good. Today, I can tell you without fear or embarrassment that I am pressing on toward the prize that awaits me when my journey is done. Today, I can affirm that mountains turn into miracles - every single day. Look for yours. Open your eyes and you will see a GodWink.
"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain,
'Go throw yourself into the sea,'
and does not doubt in their heart
but believes that what they say will happen,
it will be done for them."
Mark 11: 23
"So be strong and courageous!
Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.
For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.
He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31: 6 (NLT)
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