THE SANDWICH GENERATION: WHERE IS MY WELCOME LETTER?

God's faithfulness endures through all generations.

Psalm 100: 5

I will never forget how I felt when I opened the mailbox and found my "WELCOME TO THE 50+ CLUB" letter.  You may know the one I mean...... it's that RUDE invitation to send in your membership to the A.A.R. P.  (Young 'uns, that means American Association of Retired Persons.) For me, the hardest part of receiving "the letter" was that it arrived six months before my 50th birthday.  Forty nine and counting! I did not need that "you are approaching senior citizen land" reminder. Completely uncalled for! The letter arrived seven years ago, and I have still not responded. It's just a matter of principle.

I don't know of a welcome letter that comes to announce the next phase of life, but Steve and I have definitely been inducted into the club.  Any day now, I expect to check the mail and retrieve our "WELCOME TO THE SANDWICH GENERATION" letter.  I am sure that my fellow "boomer" readers understand the concept.

ABOUT ME:  Sometimes I look into the mirror and I do not recognize the reflection staring back at me.  Not that it's a bad image, it's just a different one.  Something about the sagging skin, the wrinkles here and there, the silver strands in the hair.  I expect to see the thin face framed with long wavy hair, but I can't find that face anywhere. Especially the THIN part!

ABOUT OUR PARENTS:  Steve and I are blessed to enjoy the company of three living parents.  I was fortunate to be the child of an extremely young couple.  My Mom and Dad were just 20 and 18 when I was born.  What a joy my young parents have been to me.  My tour guides on this life journey, Mom and Dad have walked the road just before me.  I have followed in their footsteps and our relationship has been very close.  Lately, I have watched them face the obstacles of aging and I know that my turn is coming up.  I realize that I am right behind them in this life journey.

The past few weeks for Steve have been happy / sad.  His mother has reached the point that living independently is no longer an option.  For several years, we have known that the day would come when alternative living arrangements would have to be made.  We have come to the realization that the time for change is now.  We have found the senior facility that we believe is best for her.  We dreaded having this discussion with her, but Steve's mom seems to understand that the move is in her best interest.  In and out of reality, she knows that she is about to relinquish her independence.  She mourns for this loss.  But at the same time, she seems relieved that she will have others to care for her needs on a full time basis.  Steve has spent many hours helping her go through her belongings.  For him, it has been a very precious time.   She has reviewed her life through her photos, books, momentos.  Steve has guided her through the process. Next week, we make the big move.

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN:  For over three decades, Steve and I have treasured our two daughters. They have blessed us with five biological grandchildren and five grands of the heart.  Our hearts are filled with love and devotion to all of our kiddos.  Both of our daughters are hard working single moms.  They are bright, educated, and self motivated women.  But, they are simply not paid what they are worth.  And dead-beat dads, I won't even go there!  When our grands need something, Mamma Kathy and Pappa Steve will provide.  That's the way it is.  That's the way it will continue to be as long as we have the means.  Which brings me to the next part of the story...............

ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING:  When our grands need something, Mamma Kathy and Pappa Steve will provide.  In the case of our oldest grandson, it appears that completing high school through Texas Tech University Independent School District is our best option.  Our handsome six foot two young man has been the "son of our hearts" since he breathed his first breath.  (Guess who cut the umbilical cord........ ME!)  He has tried his best to conform to the expectations of public schools.  His ADHD and touch of dyslexia has made this a miserable task for him and a frustration for us.  So, in the fall, Mamma Kathy becomes a high school teacher.  We are going to get these last eleven credit hours together...... me and my boy!  English and History classes, we got that!  But, Algebra 2 and Physics, I will gladly outsource to a tutor.  I refuse to even open the books!  A grandmother's love can only go so far!

ABOUT "CLUB SANDWICH":  Steve and I are members of the club whether we like it or not!  We are blessed to be the generation in between.  With our parents in front of us, and our children behind us, we are surrounded by love and devotion to each.  All of the love that we pour out to our loved ones is returned to us by them. Our shoulders are strong because they are strengthened by Almighty God. We are ready for the task that faces us.  We covet your prayers for patience, for wisdom, for health, for discernment, for financial means, and for a few minutes each day to be a couple and enjoy each other's company.  We are "paying it forward" as they say.  We are grooming a quiver of younger ones to take care of us someday - when they become inducted to THE SANDWICH GENERATION.  "May all who come behind us find us faithful"  (Steve Green.)

You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need,

his generosity exceeding even yours

in the glory that pours from Jesus.

Philippians 4: 19-20

Along unfamiliar paths I will guide you;

I will turn the darkness into light before you

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do -

I will not forsake you. 

Isaiah 42: 16

TWO ROADS DIVERGED

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay 

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!  

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.  

     I remember hearing my Daddy say that God should have a long distance phone line.  That way, when a difficult decision had to be made, we could just drop a dime in the heavenly phone booth and ask directions.  I was young when I heard those words and I really did not understand the concept.  I just thought it was funny to think of God using a telephone.

     Steve and I are facing some challenges and tough choices are around the corner.  Nothing regarding health issues, but some really difficult decisions about future plans.  Do you ever diligently pray and wait on a sign and the answer just seems not to appear?  I think I know the answer to that question already.  I know that all of us feel that way at times.  That is where we stand right now.

     It seems as if two paths are before us and the choice of which to take just is not clear.  We are confused.  We are disappointed.  We feel completely defeated.  But, we know that God has a plan.  We just wish that the answer would come soon.  We long for direction as clear as those in the days of Moses when God spoke through a burning bush.  Or maybe instructions through a dream the way He spoke to Samuel.  Perhaps Steve and I are so dense that He needs to use Balaam's donkey to give us direction.

     Lord God, guide our choices and show us the path that we should take.  We want to act in accordance to your plans for our lives. We will follow You and that will make all the difference!

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me, 
for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

Psalm 25:  4 - 5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5 - 6

WAIT FOR THE LORD

"I just LOVE to wait patiently"......said no human being......ever!  

 When I was born, the world received a 100% type 'A' personality.  Ever the doer, the organizer, the  go-getter, the manager, I planned my life down to the minute.  As I look back, I wonder how many minutes of my life I actually wasted in those endeavors, but I lived that way and it worked for me.

Until blood plasma cancer made its presence known.  

If you've never experienced a cancer diagnosis (and I pray that you never do) the emotional response to the knowledge of poison in your body can be as devastating as the physical.  Throughout the past six months, I have endured depression that has kept me from leaving my bedroom.  I have kept this a secret until now.  I have covered up my absence by telling family and friends, that I've been really busy working at home.  Panic and anxiety are not new to me.  These evil companions have followed me around for many years.  But never at the level of their presence now.  When I allow my mind to wander into the possibilities of future chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants, panic hits me at a level I've never experienced before.  

The doctors tell me that we are in the Watch and Wait  Period.  (Known to many cancer fighters as the Watch and Worry Period.)  No treatment has been prescribed.  I have been told to go about my daily life and forget about the condition.  I have the knowledge that one quarter of the plasma cells in my bone marrow are malignant and we are doing absolutely nothing about it.  That is much more difficult than I expected!  Every time I forget, I come across a well meaning friend who asks me, "How are you doing?"  "Fine!" is my first response.  Then I see that look in their eyes and it reminds me that I have cancer.  I know that look.  I have given that look before.  It's a look that says, "Oh, I know that you have the 'C' word!  I am so sorry.  You scare me.  If you have it, I wonder if I might get it some day."  As soon as I detect "the look," the panic strikes me.  I know that it is the work of the evil one, but I am telling you, that guy has some power!  

Every month, like clockwork, I visit the lab at the cancer center.  If I have managed to forget about the diagnosis, walking into that clinic brings me face to face with my new reality!  Sitting next to fighters awaiting treatment; watching caregivers wheel in their diseased loved ones; witnessing the gray complexions and the balding heads of weary warriors, I remember!  Each month, my lab results get better and better.  Then I fall on my face and thank God for blessing this girl of wavering faith.  

 Although I am a reluctant student, God is teaching me about faith during this time.  You can read about faith, study about faith, quote scriptures about faith, but until you EXPERIENCE total helplessness, faith is just a concept.  God is giving me a time to test my faith, a time to learn to rest in His promises.  I am learning to depend upon Him and I am waiting somewhat patiently.  I pray that I will be transformed during this waiting period - not just in a physical way, but in a spiritual way.  I am doing my very best to rely on Almighty Jehovah Rapha, the healer, who holds me by his righteous right hand.  I pray that I will learn to live confidently in the assurances of His promises.  I long to become a mature faith walker.  I know beyond a doubt that God will use this time for my good.  I don't need to know what the future holds for me.  Jesus is already there.  We will walk that path together.  For now, we WAIT! 

"I remain confident of this:  I will see the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living [in this life.] 

WAIT for The Lord; be strong and take heart and WAIT for The Lord."  Psalm 27:  13 - 14.