DOING THE BEST WE CAN

        I have come to the conclusion that very little in my life has gone the way I planned.  When Steve and I married over 38 years ago, a large family never crossed our minds.  We were excited about the birth of our first baby.  Although unplanned, little April Kathleen was the joy of our young lives and continues to be to this day.  But she did not remain an only child for long.  Just when April started sleeping through the night, I realized something was wrong.  What I suspected could not possibly be!  I was too tired.  I hadn't slept in months.  I was not ready to be a mom again!  But, God had other plans.   When April was only 15 months old, Natalie Brooke found her place into our hearts, and our tiny toddler became a big sister.  God gave us two precious daughters.  I have loved them both - from the first butterfly flutter in my belly, through childhood, the terrible teens.  Steve and I are blessed that April and Natalie remain near and dear to us.  They are parts of us - from now through eternity.
        As I said, a large family never crossed our minds.  I will re-state my earlier observation.  Very little in my life has gone the way I planned.  Throughout the past 17 years, our family has grown one by one by one.  And sometimes even by twos.  As of today, the group pictured above is the real TeamLollar.  Our family.  Our village.  The Steve and Kathy Lollar family does not look like anything we expected.  Our beautiful daughters have delighted us with the births of five beautiful grandchildren, Cameron Gregory, Aubreigh Dawn, Joel Steven, Brennon Reid, and Kielyn Rae. 
     But, there's more!  Like most daughters, our girls have chosen partners for their life journeys.  Throughout the years, circumstances have changed which have brought a crew of children into our lives.  Yours, mine, and ours children.  Children who have been a part of our physical families for a time, and have now moved on, but have never moved out of our hearts.  Once a Lollar grand, always a Lollar grand.  April and Tony have given us two more little loves, Madison and Trenton.  Natalie and Pete introduced us to Jordan just this weekend.  Then there are Brittany, Michael Marie and Trestin, children who will never leave our hearts.
     I tell you all of that background information to make this point.  Nothing in my life has been what I planned.  The older I get, the more I realize that I have very little say in what happens in my own life.  Lately, I have come to terms with that reality.  I have even learned to embrace my helplessness and become bold with faith that God will bring me through anything that is ahead of me.  My unexpected large family has brought many trials, but the blessings have outweighed them ten-fold.  I planned to be a pop-star diva of the Barbra Streisand genre.  Instead, my gift was found in teaching children - thousands of them - and their children.  Sharing music with so many has brought me untold happiness.   I never thought twice about my health and assumed I would always wear size 6 jeans and eat all I wanted.  That all changed!  I never spoke the "C" word aloud.  I never wanted to say it because it did not belong to me, it belonged to somebody else.  I have learned that you can ignore and deny all you want to, but with health issues, you'd better know your body and respect it enough to find answers. 
       For nearly two years (I can't believe how quickly the time has passed) I have been aware that the "C" word is a part of me.  Who knows how long I had it before diagnosis.  During this time, I have lost 4 friends to cancer (one just last week,) and at least ten others have been diagnosed.  You understand that, don't you?  I'll bet the same is happening in your circle of friends and family.  An unplanned, unwanted, dreaded disease.  I am one of the blessed ones.  I have responded well to treatment and am doing very well.  I never, ever take that for granted.  I think of Kevin, Tim, Lynn, and Shayne.  Gone too soon.  I think of Pam, Billie, Sarah, Susan, Beth, Loretta, Bonnie, and so many others.  Too many to name.  I am blessed.  I am grateful. 
     I have come to the conclusion that very little in my life has gone the way I planned.  My small family has turned into a beautiful blend of God's precious children.  My time in the spotlight has been spent displaying the unique talents of my students and encouraging them to blossom.  My time of illness has taught me to appreciate life, to trust God, to ask for help, and to just let things go.  Things that seemed so important before fade into the background.  It's people who are important, not things.  Why do we all say, "where did the time go?" "I just blinked and my child was grown!" "My body is old, but my mind is young, how did the past 57 years fly by so fast?"  Slow down.  Love people.  Look over their mistakes.  Forgive their faults.  Forgive yourself.  Be an encourager.  Be a listener.  Be a giver.  Accept people as they are.  After all, very little in their lives have gone the way they planned.  We are all just doing the best we can. 

"But from everlasting to everlasting, the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children."

Psalm 103:17

"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

Proverbs 22: 6

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."

1 Corinthians 1: 25

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29: 11