As difficult as it is for me to believe, it has been exactly one year since I learned of my cancer diagnosis. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes living with the knowledge of malignant cells flowing in my bloodstream. On this anniversary, I feel like I should summarize my year - in some way to bring things to a general thought that would make it all make sense. This is a difficult task because the year has been a whirlwind - full of random, unplanned emotional upheavals filled with confusion / logic; panic / peace; anger / acceptance.
I have been blessed by the most amazing friends and family who have cheered me on and encouraged me as I travelled this unwanted road. One such cheerleader is my "bestie" from high school. I will not say her name, because she generally wishes to remain in cognito, so I will honor her anonymity. But this "girl after my own heart" sent me words that have stayed with me every single day throughout my journey. She told me of her own encounter with God during a personal health crisis. While she was in an ICU bed, unable to move or speak, the Spirit of God spoke directly to her spirit. She quotes the message: "Don't panic. What you're experiencing is only shell damage. Your spirit is much larger than your body and it is strong and bright and filled with my Spirit. I created your spirit and poured it into your body shell." She tells me that she instantly was overwhelmed with comfort and peace and the understanding that what we have to guard against is not "Shell damage," but "SPIRIT DAMAGE." She says that the panic left her as God helped her to guard her spirit while she gave her body time to heal.
If there is any conclusion I can make about this first year of my cancer survivor life, it has to be exactly that. My shell has taken a beating. It has been poked and prodded and tested and filled with drugs. My shell has experienced physical reactions that I never even dreamed of. But my spirit - that's a different story. The enemy has tried his best to rob my spirit of joy, but my Savior is much bigger than the enemy. As my shell ached, my spirit soared. When my shell could not get off the couch, my spirit danced and sang in worship. As my shell was warmed with fever, my spirit burned with Holy Spirit fire. When my shell reacted to unfamiliar medical situations with fear and trembling, my spirit said, "Lord, I trust you" and He answered with peace and comfort. God is using this time to transform my spirit into the likeness of His Spirit, and what could be better than that?
Holy Father, the Creator of this shell they call "Kathy,"
my body is your temple,
use it to your glory.
Let my spirit shine with your love and transform into your likeness.
Use my journey to prepare me for the day that you take me to eternity to see you face to face.
Until then, I trust you.
"But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.
And the Lord - who is the Spirit - makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." (2 Corinthians 3: 16 - 18 NLT)
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and won't last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." (2 Corinthians 4: 16 - 18 NLT)
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