I AM WEAK, BUT YOU ARE STRONG

These cancer months have shown me one thing.  I am weak, but God is strong.  I have tried with all my strength to be strong, courageous and faithful.  It seems that no matter how sincerely I try to leave my burdens in God's hands, doubt and fear creep in and take away my joy.  The fear is so strong that I can literally hear it, see it, taste it.  It devours me.  I KNOW where the doubting comes from.  I KNOW the author of my fear.  Yet, I just can't seem to let it go.

The predicted symptoms are beginning to become a part of my life.  The ugly possibilities that I read about in medical articles are beginning to happen to me.  WM patients often have nose bleeds because the cancerous cells cause thickness in the blood.  I almost hate to share this, but my story might help someone who reads this.  This weekend, I experienced my first WM bleed.  Blood seeped from my nose for ten hours on Saturday.  Ten hours!  As I looked at the red stains on my tissue, I could "see" cancer.  As I felt the liquid dripping, I could "feel" cancer.  Flowing through my lifeblood.  Tears flowed from my eyes as the moisture flowed from my nose.  I broke down in front of my grandchildren.  I never meant to do that.  EVER!  Very, Very, disheartening.

Mighty God, my weakness, my fear, and my lack of faith are keeping me from a life of strength. Abba Father, in my weakness, give me the courage to lay it all at your feet.  Keep me free from the evil one who urges me to pick up my burdens and take them back.  You are more powerful than he. You are more powerful than my problems.  You are more powerful than cancer.

Starting over today.  God, help me to be able to give my burdens to you.  You are my refuge and strength.  You are always there for me in times of trouble.  When earthquakes come, mountains crumble into the sea, or when cancer strikes.....You are at my right hand.....you take the force of the blow.  Help me to live in the calm center.  Your promise never changes.  I don't have to be strong, just faithful.  Help me to take your peace with me into the most difficult of days.  I love you, Lord. Help me to "be still."  Help me to "fear not."

"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and
began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents,
opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

2 Corinthians 12:  9 - 10  The Message

Follow this link to view Selah singing "I Look To You."
http://youtu.be/-vSDhJ0LAm8