BUTTERFLIES

Let's talk about butterflies.  Not the beautiful creatures that fly around flowers.  But the kind that have a party in my tummy every single time I get in my car to see my oncologist.  No matter how much I pray them away, they just seem to enjoy tormenting me.

Deep in my being, I am completely assured that I have given my health and my life to the Almighty God.  With all my mind, body and soul, I believe that I am going to be OK.  My study on Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia has assured my intellectual being that I can live a long life with my crazy blood.  My physical being is strong and healthy.  In fact, one of my doctors told me, "You are the healthiest looking sick lady I've ever seen!"  My spirit is calm and at peace with my present and my future with cancer.   God, my doctors, and I have got this!

I have read and prayed all of the promises in scripture.  "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5: 7.)  "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."  (Psalm 56: 3.)  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:  6 - 7.)

But those darn butterflies!  I feel like a complete failure when they arrive.  Earlier in the week, I got in the car to go in for my monthly lab work.    I told my husband that there was no need for him to go with me this time.  Lo and behold, a half a mile down the road, the butterflies showed up.  I called him and said, "I was wrong about not needing you this time. This is going to be difficult."

When I think of all the doctor visits in my future, I sure wish those butterflies would disappear.  But, you know, now that I think of it, maybe there is a purpose for them.  Maybe they are little God winks, just to remind me that I am not in control.  Maybe they are to remind me not to rely on my own strength, but His.

Today at 3:30, I will walk into the West Texas Cancer Center to see my local oncologist.  I know that God is in control and that everything is going to be fine.  But this time, if those little butterflies show up, I am going to thank God for them and pray for His strength and courage.

"Cast your cares on The Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."  (Psalm 55: 22.)